One Year
Laurie A. Kraus
It had been a year since they had last seen each other. The First had been squished and they had all gone their “sort of” separate ways. They were all still fighting evil or rounding up newbie slayers, just in different areas of the world. Buffy remembered the last time she had seen her best friend.
It had been a month after the big battle; wounds had healed, everyone was rested and starting to get restless for something to do. Plans were made, assignments given, flights arranged. The Scooby Gang was splitting up. Temporarily, they had promised themselves.
Willow and Xander had spent most of the night, into the early morning hours, with Buffy in her room. They talked about the past seven years, planned for their reunion next year. One year. That was as long as they were willing to be separated. After that, they'd be together again.
After they'd left her room, Buffy lay awake for a long time thinking about her friends and how much she was going to miss them. Especially Willow. Buffy sighed as her heart ached, knowing it would be a year before she saw Will again. She didn't know how she was going to do this. It had taken the last apocalypse for Buffy to achieve clarity. She loved Willow. She had been unable to breathe when the last piece fell into place and she started looking at her best friend in a new light. It was Willow; standing by her side, fighting the good fight, supporting her, loving her without reservation or question. Buffy had reflected on her doomed relationships and realized that the reason they were doomed was because she was looking for Willow in male form instead of just looking at Willow.
There had been a soft knock on the door and an even softer “Buffy?”.
“Will? You okay?” Buffy asked, letting Willow into the hotel room she had called home for the past month.
“Couldn't sleep, Buff.” The redhead started as they sat on the bed together. “I was thinking about how it's going to be a year before we see each other again. There have been two constants in my life: Xander and you. Seven years, Buffy, and except for my majick rehab in England, we have seen each other every day. We've fought and laughed and cried and lived side by side. We've seen the best and the worst of each other and we're still together.”
Buffy smiled in the darkness. Leave it to Will to be so in tune with what Buffy was feeling. “I was laying her thinking pretty much the same thing, Will. How much I'm going to miss you.” Buffy sighed, wishing she had the courage to tell Willow the reset of what she'd been thinking. 'So what's stopping you?' A small voice in the back of her head asked. 'Kennedy is a non-factor, Tara was different but Willow doesn't love Kennedy.' “I'm afraid.” She whispered.
“You? I don't think I've ever known you to be afraid of anything, Buff. What are you afraid of?” Will's voice held concern and curiosity but Buffy also detected a note of amusement.
'Just do it.' She thought. 'She leaves tomorrow and you'll both have a year to think about it and forget it.' “You.”
“Me?” Willow sounded surprised and not a little hurt. “Talk to me, Buffy. Why are you afraid of me?”
“Will . . .” Buffy didn't know how to say what she wanted to say but she had started and she knew she couldn't leave it where it was. “Will, you're my best friend and have been since the day we met. No one has ever known me like you do. No one has ever loved me like you do.” She sighed again. Willow stayed quiet, apparently content to give Buffy the time she needed. Taking a deep breath Buffy said, “And I love you, Willow. The way I never have or ever will love somebody. I realized about a month ago that the reason all my relationships fail is . . . you. Not because of anything you've done. Just because they've never been you. I've been looking for my Willow, never realizing that she was already there.” Buffy had stopped, blushing furiously, hoping she hadn't just ruined her friendship with Willow.
Willow was silent for a long moment, then said “I have to go, Buffy. I need to think. This doesn't change how I feel about you. I love you, Buffy, and that will never change.” Willow had reached out and hugged Buffy tightly. “I love you, Buffy.” She whispered again, quietly in Buffy's ear. She let Buffy go then and placed a soft kiss on Buffy's lips. “I'll talk to you soon.” She had said, getting up and leaving the room.
Buffy had cried herself to sleep that night. She had ruined it, ruined everything and now she and Will would never be okay again. She had awoken late the next morning and knew Willow was gone. She and Kennedy were leaving on a six a.m. flight and it was after nine. She left without saying goodbye. Buffy had cried again, wondering if she'd ever see or hear from Willow again. She got up and walked to the bathroom to blow her nose and wash her face. She and Dawn were leaving for Italy late that night and she knew she had to get herself pulled together. Exiting the bathroom she had seen it. A white envelope slipped under the door. Tensing, Buffy picked it up and opened it. Inside was a simple note:
“One year. Wait for me. Love, Willow”
And Buffy had waited. They had spoken on the phone and e-mailed almost daily but neither of them mentioned that last night. And now, it was a year later and Willow was coming home. Well, England, anyway. That's where Buffy and Dawn had set down roots. Close to where Giles was going to start re-building the Watcher's Council. Buffy didn't know if Kennedy was with Willow or not. Xander wasn't coming in for another two weeks; same for Giles. With Dawn away at boarding school for another month, Willow and Buffy had two weeks to catch up or whatever until they weren't alone. Buffy was scared. She had waited, but she didn't know for what.
A familiar voice rang out and Buffy turned to see her best friend smiling and waving. “Buffy!!” Willow pushed her way through the crush of people and hugged her friend tightly. “It's so good to see you again.” Willow's voice held genuine warmth and affection. 'Maybe we'll be ok.' Buffy thought as Willow started babbling about the flight and the other passengers and South America. Buffy grinned. Willow-babble; how much she had missed that. “What?” Willow asked.
Buffy grinned at her and said, “I was just thinking how much I missed Willow-babble.” Willow's face split into a wide grin as well. “Where's Kennedy?” Buffy asked, as much as she didn't really want to know.
Willow smiled softly, “No Kennedy. Just me and you until the rest of the gang gets here. Kennedy is with her new girlfriend in Rio.”
“Will, I'm sorry. When . . .?” Buffy felt guilty at the relief she felt.
“Eight months ago, Buffy. I knew we weren't working but we still enjoyed each other's company and we still had to work together. We were friends so we didn't make a big deal out of the break-up.”
“But, why didn't you say anything? We've talked almost every day, e-mailed. I don't get it, Will? Why the secret?” Buffy was totally at a loss as to why Willow wouldn't have at least mentioned that she and Kennedy had split. At the same time, a feeling of relief and joy also went through her. Willow was free. If only . . . she left off that train of thought as Willow answered her.
“Why don't we get my bags and get out of here? We can talk back at your place.”
Buffy nodded and they went to claim Willow's luggage. “You hungry? We can stop and get take out on the way.”
“That actually sounds like a good idea.” Willow agreed.
“Chinese?”
“Good call.” Willow grinned. “I haven't had Chinese since last year in L.A.”
“Well, I'm not promising good Chinese,” Buffy laughed. “We are in England.”
Both women laughed and they fell into easy conversation about their friends and what the plans were for the new Watcher's Council, slayers and research teams. Their bond was still strong, Buffy could feel it. It was as though they had just hung out yesterday. She was relieved, it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. It was still her and Will, as they'd always been.
When they got back to the apartment, Buffy opened the door and let them in. Dumping the food in the kitchen, Buffy gave Willow the tour and told Willow she could sleep in Dawn's room. Willow didn't say anything but left her bags in the front hall.
“Buff, this is a great place.” Willow said.
“It's home. Two bathrooms, no waiting. Three bedrooms, Xander can have the spare room cuz Giles already has a place of his own. When Dawn comes back, she can bunk with me if you or Xander don't have a place by then.” Buffy rambled on, the knot in her stomach growing. She wanted Willow to say something, anything, to indicate that she had other ideas about living and sleeping arrangements. “Of course, you're both welcome to stay as long as you want. You know that, I hope.” Willow nodded, smiling. “Okay, you've seen the place, you ready to eat?” Again, Willow just nodded and they went into the kitchen, serving themselves from the cardboard containers. Grabbing two sodas from the fridge, Buffy gestured to the living room. “Let's sit in here, more comfortable, less formal than the table.”
They both sat, lotus style, on the floor, knees almost touching and Buffy's knot became nothing short of pterodactyls. Why wasn't Will saying anything?
“Okay, Will, spill. Why didn't you say anything about you and Kennedy splitting? And why did you split?” There, that topic should help.
Willow smiled and swallowed what she was chewing. “Reverse order. We split because it wasn't right. It never was, but the sex was great and that was what I needed at the time. I didn't love her. I don't think she loved me, either. She didn't even know me, not really.” Willow shrugged and took another bite of her stir fry. She seemed to be weighing her words, something Buffy didn't think they'd ever done with each other. The pterodactyls grew bigger. Willow swallowed and continued. “I was a challenge and she was a rebound. We accepted that, broke up and moved on. We were still living and working together, we just weren't lovers anymore. It was okay. There was no reason to make a big deal out of it.” Willow stopped and put her food down on the coffee table. She maneuvered herself so she was sitting in front of Buffy, their knees touching. Taking a deep breath, she continued. “To answer your first question, I didn't say anything because of you.” Buffy felt her heart sink as the pterodactyls became lead and settled at the pit of her stomach. She wanted to cry.
“Will, I'm sorry.” She whispered, hanging her head as the tears started to fall. “I didn't want to ruin our friendship, I just . . . I couldn't hide it anymore. I just . . . I figured with you leaving, it'd be easier to let it go, you know?” She felt like crawling into bed and never leaving again.
Willow took the food from her hands and gently cupped her chin, lifting Buffy's face. “Buffy, I didn't say anything because I wasn't ready for you. Buffy, I have loved you for as long as I can remember. You've been my best friend for over eight years. When you told me how you felt, I was happy but scared and cautious. I asked you to wait for me for one year. I needed that year. To let my relationship with Kennedy run its course, to finish healing from Tara.” Willow smiled at Buffy and Buffy felt the lead knots start to loosen. “Just because it wasn't right for me and Kennedy didn't mean it didn't hurt. I was afraid that if I told you about me and Kennedy, you'd ask me to come back early and I'd want to because that would make it easier.” Willow shook her head sadly. “When I came back to you,” Willow said, “I wanted to be free. I didn't want you to be another rebound girl, I wanted you to be forever.” Willow giggled. “Okay, that came out way sappier than it sounded in my head. But do you get it, Buff? Why I waited? Why I asked you to wait?”
Buffy smiled back at her best friend, almost unable to comprehend what Willow had just told her. “I get it, Will. I waited. I didn't know why or for what, but you asked me to wait, so I did. I love you, Willow. The year didn't change the way I feel.”
In response, Willow brought Buffy's face closer and then leaned in, kissing her softly. Buffy felt the charge go through her. She deepened the kiss, parting her lips to allow Willow access. Willow's tongue gently probed, engaging Buffy's. When they broke apart, Buffy could feel the tingle throughout her body. “Wow.” She said, a little dazed.
“I'll see that wow and raise you an oh my goddess.” Willow said huskily, smiling and looking every bit as dazed as Buffy felt. “I'm hoping we can revisit the sleeping arrangements.” She added with a wicked grin.
“Oh, definitely.” Buffy grinned every bit as wickedly back. Her best friend was home to stay.