The First Time
Willow’s Story
(The I in Team: Written by David Fury)
Willow watched Buffy’s retreating back as she left with Riley and the other commandos. She was frustrated. Buffy had promised a “Scooby” night – just the four of them. Then she shows up an hour late with Riley and the boys in tow. Then ‘Mother’ calls and she bailed. Without even ten minutes to spare for her “best friend”.
“I could have had other plans, “Willow muttered. “I wanted to have other plans. I could have brought someone.” Willow blushed remembering how she had avoided the subject of who with Buffy. Was Tara someone…or…no one? Willow sighed as the familiar conflict surfaced. Tara was someone. Someone special. Important even. “I love her.” Willow surprised herself with that thought. “Then how could I say she was a hypothetical someone? A no one?” Willow glanced at Anya and Xander on the dance floor and made up her mind. She walked over to Xander and tapped him on the shoulder.
“Buffy bailed. Not so much a party, what, with Buffy bailing and you two all snuggly. I’m gonna go.” Willow said with a half smile. “We’ll talk later,” she said as she turned and left. Willow hoped Xander wouldn’t follow her. She needn’t have worried as Anya’s voice followed her,
“Does this mean we can go have sex now?”
Willow walked through Sunnydale toward the campus. She wanted- no, needed- to see Tara.
“Tara…hi…it’s kind of ironic,” Willow muttered to herself, practicing what she’d say to Tara.
“A funny thing about my friend…no…” Willow sighed.
"Uh, hey, remember those really scary guys who chased us…" No, no it definitely wasn't time for THAT talk yet. Any other talk would do.
“Here’s the thing, Tara…see…well…”
“Tara…it’s kind of funny, ironic, even…”
Willow reached Tara’s door and hesitated for just a second, still uncertain what to say. She gently rapped on Tara’s door.
Tara answered the door looking puzzled to see Willow on the other side.
"Willow?" Tara’s confusion was written all over her face.
‘Of course.’ Thought Willow, smiling sheepishly. ‘She wasn’t expecting me…I had a thing…with friends.’
She launched into what she hoped would be a coherent explanation.
"A funny thing happened with my prior social engagement. Pretty much ended when a friend of mine went off to do something with another crowd she hangs out with. Irony is kind of ironic that way. Anyway, I know it's late, but I-I thought maybe-- I mean, if you still wanted to…do something?" She said, looking hopefully at Tara.
Tara smiled and opened the door wider to let Willow in. As Tara closed the door, the familiar feeling of safety and comfort enveloped Willow. This was where she had wanted to be all night.
"Um…I d-don't know w-w-what you have in mind…" Tara ducked her head, as if unable to meet Willow's eyes.
Willow looked at Tara and smiled, feeling her entire being fill with warmth.
"I thought maybe we could, you know, start with another synchronicity spell. Sort of get all tuney with each other." Willow said with a hopeful half smile.
"Sure. B-but I thought you w-w-wanted to use the doll's eye…" Tara offered hesitantly.
"No. I do. I was just thinking that maybe we'd, you know, warm up…sort of…I mean…I have, uh, time…you know…if you do."
"Oh. Y-y-yes…I do…that, um, sounds great. Sure…w-w-w-arm up…g-good idea.”"
Willow watched Tara’s face as Tara ducked her head and smiled.
‘Is that good…or is that a I-don’t-want-to-offend-Willow-but-I-don’t-want-her-to-stay-that-long…’ Willow wondered.
"You know, we could, like, start with floating some, you know, crystals. Just to, you know, warm up?" Tara suggested, breaking into Willow’s thoughts.
"Sounds neat." Willow smiled, reveling in her newly discovered feelings for this woman and enjoying just being with her.
They spent the next hour 'getting in tune' by floating crystals and having them chase each other around the room. Willow watched as Tara’s eyed danced in the candlelight reflecting off the crystals. ‘I can't believe I'm such a dummy - well, maybe I knew that, but I can't believe that I never noticed how beautiful she is.’ Both women were glistening with sweat and their breathing was uneven. Willow looked at Tara’s face and thought Tara looked tired. She reached out and grabbed “her” crystal out of the air at the same time Tara grabbed hers. They looked at each other and started giggling.
“That was…uh…nice…um, I think we’re, uh, all tuney,” Willow grinned, “but…um…you look tired. Are you tired? I should go…it’s, uh, late…” Willow said, not wanting to leave but not wanting to be an imposition to Tara either.
"Oh…no…I mean…unless you w-w-want to go…" Tara trailed off and Willow thought she looked disappointed.
"Oh. No. I don't." Willow said. "I mean I want to stay, if you, you know, want me to. You know, talk, maybe try something with the doll's eye crystal? Or…not…" Willow felt conflicted - she didn't want Tara to think she was only being befriended for the majicks but she did want to try out the doll's eye. And she knew just the spell she wanted to try it with.
"N-n-no. I w-w-want you to stay. What did you want to try with the doll's eye?" Tara said, meeting Willow’s eyes.
Willow thought for a moment.
"Tara…" she hesitated, looking for the right words. Tara looked at Willow her eyes full of…what? Willow wasn’t sure…trust? Anticipation? Curiosity? Apprehension?
"Here's the thing…"she took a deep breath and started again. "The thing is…see…I read about this spell. And, well, it's sort of a spell to make people…uh…" Willow sighed. She wasn't explaining this well. She wanted to do what amounted to a mystical soul tap; a spell that would link their souls and give them both the ability to see past their physical barriers and envision all the possibilities of what they could be.
Tara looked directly and deeply into Willow's eyes.
"You don't have to explain."
"But…" Willow hesitated.
"No buts. I trust you Willow." Tara's face reflected the truth of her words.
Willow gave Tara a half smile, and nodded.
"Um…ok…we need, uh, white sand, three clear crystals, um, six white candles and a mirror." Willow said. “Oh…yeah…and the doll’s eye, of course.”
Willow knew where Tara kept her majick supplies and they both began moving at the same time, bumping into each other. Willow instinctively put her hand on Tara’s arm to steady her as Tara put her hand out to steady Willow. Willow blushed as their hands met. They both stopped, looking into each other’s eyes. Willow felt herself getting lost in Tara’s eyes, her stomach fluttering as she realized she wanted to kiss Tara.
“Right…uh…I’ll get the crystals and…uh…the…uh…sand. Over here…” Willow stammered, breaking the contact and turning away. Tara turned and got the candles, mirror and doll’s eye from the bureau while Willow opened Tara’s footlocker and took out the crystals and sand. Standing up, she saw Tara looking at her. Willow wasn’t sure what the look in Tara’s eyes meant, but she felt herself blush before Tara looked away.
“Ok…right…we, uh, need to use the sand to make, um, two connecty circle-pentagrams.” Willow started pouring the sand in the pattern they needed. “See? Like this,” she said, handing Tara a bag of the sand. “Only when you do the other side, make sure you, um, make the pentagram and circle overlappy with the one I did.”
Tara did as Willow instructed, then handed Willow the candles. Willow handed Tara two of the candles back along with two of the crystals.
“The candles go at the outer points…uh…the crystals go at the two top points.” Willow put the remaining crystal at the southern point where the two pentagrams met and place a candle at each of the two westernmost points. Tara did the same on the opposite side. Willow took the doll’s eye and set it on the mirror in the space created by the overlapping pentagrams. The remaining candles she placed on either side of the doll’s eye and lit the candles.
Once everything was set, Willow instructed Tara to sit in the center of one pentagram while she sat in the center of the second one. Once seated, Willow began the incantation she had worked on earlier, hoping she would have the opportunity to use it.
"Jana, your light always shines
Even if we be blind
Help us to be clear sighted
What is separate now
We wish to link
Our two souls in total sync"
Tara and Willow watched as red and blue mist arose from the candles on either side of the doll's eye. The mists did not take human form but Willow could feel them within her. The red evoked power and passion and Willow could feel her own essence mingling with it. She reached her senses out toward the blue mist and could feel the strength within it. Controlled, nurturing…it washed over Willow and she could feel Tara’s essence mingling with it. The two mists started to fuse, creating a brilliant purple.
Willow looked through the mist and met Tara’s gaze. She could see eternity in Tara’s eyes and knew…no…FELT…Tara was seeing the same thing. Their pasts; two lonely, shy little girls trying to do the right thing and just fit in…square pegs in round holes. Their present; young women exploring their passions, opening up to new experiences, discovering themselves and each other. The possibilities their futures held; a lifetime of family borne of friendship, majicks, love…and peace. Pure, divine-grace type peace.
As they sat gazing into each other’s eyes, Willow felt their souls becoming one yet maintaining their individuality. The crystals began to shine brightly as the mists continued dancing, causing the purple to deepen as the red and blue became further enmeshed. Willow could still discern the blue and red mists and, though she thought it was only in her head, she heard the word forever. Gazing at Tara, she smiled; Tara returned it with one of her own and Willow knew that Tara had heard it too. Willow closed her eyes and felt Tara’s essence enter her; she felt a rush of coolness and a feeling that she had found something she never knew she didn’t have. She gazed back at Tara as she struggled to understand. As Tara returned the gaze, Willow realized that Tara had felt her essence…a flood of warmth and a feeling of…home…that was it…they…fit. A tear slid down Willow’s face. She was home.
How long the spell had taken, how long it had lasted, neither knew. It was a moment, it was forever and they both knew they never wanted it to end.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
As the spell started to dissipate, Willow stood up. Wordlessly, she walked over and offered Tara her hand. Tara took it and Willow helped her to her feet. With more confidence than she actually felt, Willow pulled Tara to her and gently kissed her lips, deepening it as Tara responded by wrapping her arms around Willow’s waist. Willow wrapped her arms around Tara’s neck and opened her mouth to allow Tara’s tongue to dance with her own. The heat rising between her legs told her that this was right…she wanted this.
Tara drew back, her expression questioning and Willow responded by kissing her again. Without thinking about it, Willow maneuvered them to the bed. She lay Tara down and covered Tara’s body with her own, kissing her insistently. She moved her mouth over Tara’s neck and nibbled up to her ear, reveling in Tara’s gasp of surprise. She’d never done this but…somehow…she knew what to do. Clothes went flying in all directions as Willow fumbled to strip both herself and Tara. Tara giggled and Willow blushed, thinking she was being over-eager and maybe this was happening too fast. One look at Tara’s face was all she needed to urge her on. Tara was smiling and Willow felt her stomach flip over as she looked down at this beautiful woman who was opening herself up; offering herself to Willow.
Willow took her time… she wanted to know every intimate detail about her new lover. She gently kissed Tara’s lips and eyelids; nuzzled her neck behind her ears and nibbled her way down to the hollow of her throat. They had all night and Willow intended to make good use of the time.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Hey, beautiful.” Willow whispered, as she softly caressed Tara in the afterglow of their lovemaking.
“Hi…”
“That was…amazing…Tara…” Willow stopped, she wasn’t ready to say the words. Which struck her as odd considering the way they’d spent the evening; first the soul tap spell and now…uh…this.
“It’s ok, Willow…” Tara smiled at her and Willow knew it really was ok. There was plenty of time for those words. She knew she loved Tara. She also knew she wasn’t ready to say them out loud.
She looked at her new lover…new lover…does sex make someone a lover? ‘Too tired. Deep thoughts later.’ She thought. Leaning over, Willow brushed the lightest of kisses against Tara’s lips. “Tired?”
“Very…but…happy…so very happy.” Tara smiled sleepily.
“Me too. Sleep now…this was an amazing night, Tara. Thank you for everything.” Willow cringed, “I mean…I…uh…”
“I understand.”
And Willow knew she did…she lay down next to her…she smiled…girlfriend and they fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.