New Old Friends
Tara was sitting in a corner of the library sifting through some of the things the Romany had given to Angel. The boxes the old man had sent with them had been hastily piled into the library to await cataloging. She'd started making piles: books, notebooks, parchments, documents and scrolls. The past week had been a blur and she was trying to sort everything in her head out. Sorting through the old Romany's things seemed to be a good way to let her mind process everything. Plus, it gave her something to do. She had to admit she was a little bored. She got lost in thought for a moment as she considered everything that had happened over the past week.
Dawn had practically bowled Tara over when Tara had gotten out of the car. Tears and laughter mingled as they hugged, neither really wanting to let go. When they finally parted, Tara was surprised to see how self-assured, grown up and beautiful Dawn had become. Seeing her, then seeing her and Xander together, she had to agree that them falling in love made perfect sense. There'd always been affection there, falling in love seemed like a logical step.
Then had come a whirlwind of activities – Willow had taken her to the coven, Xander had shown her around the construction site, and Buffy and Giles had given her a few of the highlights of the creation of Slayer Central, and the finding and training of slayers and watchers. Tara knew they were trying to let her know there was a place for her, that her help would be both welcome and needed but there was so much to take in and process that Tara was exhausted. Then, after three days of constant and whirlwind activities, there was nothing. Giles, Buffy, Xander, Dawn and Willow had gotten busy with the work that needed to be done to create Slayer, Inc. as a real business. Willow was talking to the coven about potential witches to assist the active slayers, Dawn was looking into the problems of conducting business internationally including finding out how to make sure all the “employees” had health care no matter where in the world they were. Giles was consulting with legal and financial experts to find out what needed to be done to keep doing business as The Watchers' Council and to make sure both the council and Slayer, Inc. stayed financially sound.
So Tara was bored. She had explored the mansion a bit. She'd be given the room next to Dawn's and Angel was in the room next to Tara's. She had investigated Willow's workshop and was surprised at the care that had gone into cataloging and keeping track of the supplies. There seemed to be some sort of checks and balance system in place so that abusing majick was near impossible; if Willow ran out of something too soon, Giles and Dawn would know about it because every purchase went through them. Tara wondered if that meant they didn't trust Willow or if Willow herself had insisted so that there would never be a hint of impropriety. If something went missing or was depleted, the three of them would know. If Willow was abusing her power again, Dawn and Giles would have advance warning. Somehow, that made her feel a little better, knowing that there was system in place.
She had wandered out to a small hill and sat under a beautiful tree. She imagined sunrise would be beautiful out there and made a mental note to get up early tomorrow to see it. Curiosity had struck and she had gone to the library to find out what kind of tree it was. A quick check of the computer had given here the answer: it was an ash tree. It was as she was sitting at the computer that she saw the boxes and decided to start investigating.
Tara realized she was missing Angel. She hadn’t really seen much of him except in passing or at meal times and she sighed as she thought about how weird that was. For over a year, they had been constant companions and he had been essential for her survival; it was a difficult adjustment not seeing him or talking to him. ‘Right now,’ she thought, ‘he’s the only one who might understand.’ She was feeling a little lost. While she was excited to have her family back, she wasn’t sure where, or if, she fit in now. Despite how hard everyone had tried to let her know she was loved and wanted here, she wasn't sure if it was really her they wanted or if they thought they were getting the other her. Which made no sense because they were both her. She sighed deeply.
“Deep thoughts,” came a familiar voice.
“Angel!” Tara smiled and jumped up to hug him. “I was just thinking about you.”
He smiled. “Yeah. I've been missing you too.” He motioned to the floor and they both sat down. “So, what are you up to? Other than hiding, that is,” he said.
“I-I’m n-not . . .” she stammered as she felt the heat rise in her cheeks.
Angel quirked an eyebrow and gave her a knowing look.
Tara smiled. “Okay. I’m looking through the old Romany’s things. I was sitting around, kinda bored and just thinking about the changes in my life. Then I got to wondering about something.” She gestured at the boxes. “There must be a reason he wanted these things to come through with us. And, well, since I needed a distraction this seemed like a good place to start.”
“Willow.” It wasn’t a question.
Tara nodded. “We really haven’t talked since we got here. I mean really talked. To figure out who we are to each other or even what we want to be to each other. It’s so weird. I have no life here. At all. Anywhere. I know Giles said we were wanted and needed here but they're all so busy with the incorporating and setting up all of the stuff for the business, there hasn't really been time to give me anything to do,” she sighed and leaned back against the book shelf, her eyes closed. “I’m just a little, I don't know – lost, I guess.” She shook her head then continued to sort through the boxes, “I just don't know where or how I fit in here.”
“Yeah, I know,” he nodded, grabbing a stack of stuff and sorting it into Tara's growing piles. “Buffy’s been busy too. It seems like we all want the same thing but are afraid that if we make time for it, it'll disappear.” He frowned and looked at all of the things that now surrounded them. “Uh, Tara? Is there a, um, system here?”
Tara grinned at him. “Not really. I've been sorting according to media: parchment versus document versus scroll versus book. I thought after that, I'd have to sub-sort into languages and/or what the item has to do with.” At his puzzled expression, she elaborated. “Demon or prophecy or laundry list,. You know?”
He grinned and nodded, continuing to assist her. “Do you and Willow, I mean, what's going on there? Did you talk to her?”
Tara smiled at him. “I saw Willow and everything came rushing back. I love her as much now as I did the first time I saw her. There have been so many changes and we have so much to work through. She’s more confident, more sure of herself, her power has grown but she’s still Willow, you know?” Tara shook her head.
“Yeah. I do. Same thing with Buffy.” He shook his head. “At least you and Willow have a chance. Me and Buffy, we want it but . . .” Angel trailed off, a pained look on his face.
“That’s another reason I was down here. I was thinking that there has to be a way to remove the curse - that is, if it’s still on you, with everything that’s happened. I-I mean, that’s what made me come over here to start looking through the Romany’s stuff. Something isn’t right. You said the old man said something about ‘twin destinies’ and one of the guys at the Kalderash place said something about ‘twin destinies leading to shanshu,'” she frowned in thought before adding, “and you said that the other you sent Buffy a letter saying something about shanshu. Things don’t add up. The old Romany wanted this stuff to come with you into this reality. He knew we were leaving and wanted you to get this stuff. There has to be a reason. Angel, what is 'shanshu'?” she asked, looking over at him. At his expression, she clarified, “I know we’ve sort of talked about it, but really, everything you know, from the literal meaning to the myth… the man, the myth, the champion, my hero…” she pointed at him and grinned.
He interrupted her, “Don't . . . shanshu was part of the Aberjian prophecy. It said that a vampire with a soul would shanshu – Wesley said that meant I was going to die but, in order to die, I had to live. Or, as Spike said, I’d become a real boy,” he shook his head and looked at Tara. “Buffy said in the letter the other me sent her, I'd signed away my right to shanshu so I'm not sure how I could have shanshu'd. And I don't understand how can anyone have twin destinies,” he frowned in thought.
Tara looked at him as the something she'd been wondering about finally gelled in her head. “Angel, you did have two destinies. Didn’t Buffy say you were presumed dead while preventing an apocalypse?”
Angel nodded, his face registering what she was saying. “Okay, so I fulfilled my destiny in this world by dying to prevent an apocalypse. We're still stuck with the fact that I apparently signed away my right to shanshu. Don’t forget that I died here.”
“Right, but you're here now,” she said, grinning. “You're not dead.”
“I still signed away the shanshu.” He shook his head.
“No, Angel, YOU didn't. The other you did.”
He looked at her suspiciously. “But, isn't it the same?” He frowned in thought and shifted positions to look at her more fully. “Whatever me I am, signed away the shanshu.”
“No, Angel. It's not the same, it can't be because you, personally, didn't sign it away.” She was getting excited, she knew was on the right track; she just knew it.
He stared at her and in a hushed voice asked, “Tara if I’m human is my soul still cursed?” He looked at her hopefully.
“I don’t know. First, we need to find out for sure if you’ve shanshu'd and are human. Then we need to figure out about twin destinies.” She shook her head and frowned. “I think we should get the rest of the group in on research. There’s a lot of stuff here and it’ll take you and me forever to get through it. I know they've got other things going on, but I get the feeling this is going to be a priority.”
Angel stood up, offering Tara his hand. “Then let’s go find the others.”
She took it but had a sudden inspiration. “I think you should go to a doctor.”
“I don’t need a damned leech to tell me if I’m human, Tara.”
She stared at him and giggled. “They don’t do that anymore, Angel, but he should be able to tell you if you’re normal and healthy for a human, at least. That’ll help rule out something at least.” When he nodded, she smiled and said, “Let’s get the others.”